We had a really, um, interesting beginning.
I took a positive pregnancy test on Sunday, Sept 23rd. This also happened to be John and mine's 6th wedding anniversary. We weren't trying to get pregnant at the time (so the story goes with each of our children!) so it was a really nice surprise, as we weren't really trying to prevent it either.
We got to celebrate two big occasions on a date that night at a really yummy restaurant. Unfortunately my celebrating didn't include wine and a medium rare steak.
The stomach issues started that night on the way home from dinner. And, it was downhill from there. The first trimester of this pregnancy included lots of nausea, fatigue, and just plain feeling yucky. My pregnancies with Joe and Noah were so much more pleasant at that stage.
I have irregular cycles (TMI maybe??) so they got me in pretty quickly for an ultrasound, since we weren't sure how far along I was.
This is the image that we got at, what turned out to be, 5 weeks and 6 days gestation...
"Well would you look at that. There are TWO sacs there."
....John and I looked at each other with big eyes and my filled with tears.
I was overwhelmed, anxious, and to be honest, freaked out.
I was thinking to myself: God, what in the world is going on here?! I already have two kids AND I'm 17 hours away from my family. I don't know if I can handle this.
We scheduled another ultrasound for two weeks later. The nurse practitioner who performed my ultrasound said that it is common for one of the sacs to disappear, especially since one of mine was smaller than the other and it was so very early in my pregnancy.
The next two weeks of waiting was very emotional for me. I had constant questions running through my head, worries, unknowns, and fears. I just wanted to be excited about this pregnancy.
(Please know, that I believe every life is a blessing from God, and a lot of my emotionally tough couple of weeks was spent wrestling with guilt for not being super excited about the possibility of carrying twins. I'm just being honest here.)
Fast forward two weeks. Ultrasound time.
How am i going to feel if there are still two? How will I feel if one is gone?
The image appeared on the screen. One healthy baby. No sign that a second sac ever existed.
The ultrasound tech said that it may never have been a baby. It could have been a sac of blood or a sac of nothing.
With that, I felt relieved. I was worried about dealing with a sense of loss, but it didn't seem to be the case.
At around 13 weeks, the all day and night morning sickness pretty much disappeared. To this day, i still get nauseas if my stomach is empty or with really yucky smells, but I feel much better than I did!
I never wrote letters to Joe or Noah, but I wish that I did. I guess it's never too late to start with any of them.
Baby Boy-
We are working really hard on naming you. My pregnancy with you has been so different that I thought you would probably be a girl. Honestly, I was hoping you would be a girl, so I didn't spend much time thinking about boy names. As soon as we saw you, as healthy as could be, wiggling around in my tummy, even with a pee pee, we loved you and were so excited about you. You see, one of my best friends just lost her little one, only a couple of weeks older than you. She was going to be your best buddy, neighbor, and girlfriend :). When the ultrasound tech said, "There is no mistaking. It's a boy!" I didn't care that you weren't a girl. My hopes weren't shattered. I was grateful, so grateful, that my hope for a healthy baby was still alive. Your beautiful little friend in heaven put things in perspective for me. I will tell her "thank you" one day.
I can feel you moving a whole lot. In the mornings, you can be felt on the outside. It's almost as if you are rolling around and stretching to get ready for the day. Your Daddy couldn't feel Joe or Noah this early. You must be a strong little one!
Joe and Noah are so excited about you. They both wanted you to be a boy. When your Daddy announced that that is just what you are, Joe said, "That's just what I wanted!!" They rub my belly and talk to you. They haven't been able to feel you yet, but they ask every day when they will be able to. They have a couple of name ideas for you, but I don't think we will be taking their advice. :) "Bullet" and "Ronnie Crest" are a couple of them. (Who knows?!?)
We already love you. We pray for your health and development, and we thank God that His plan for you is to be a part of our family. We can't wait to see God's plan for your life unfold.
Love,
Mommy
